The path of life

Last night the weather was unusually warm for an evening in February. The sky was clear and I thought perhaps I would sit outside once I had finished the dinner dishes.At a second glance , I noticed the upper part of the sky was starting to darken,and rather quickly.Below the darkness you could still see some light peeking out but it was disappearing rapidly. The wind started to blow and the sky now looked black and angry.Thats when the downpour started.In just a few minutes everything had changed.

It reminds me of how life can be at times.We are enjoying sunny skies, no wind,no rain in sight.All of a sudden the sky darkens the wind kicks up and we are in the middle of a torrential downpour.It has come out of nowhere and we are standing there in disbelief soaking wet, freezing cold,unprepared for what is happening.We didn't see it coming.We didn't have time to prepare.

I remember a time in my life where I had wanted a child so badly. I watched over and over again,women who were angry they were pregnant,Women who didn't want their babies.Here was I, one who deserved a baby,one who would do anything in my power to provide and care for one, anything. I was not getting what I wanted.I prayed,I went on the endless quest from Doctor to Doctor,I prayed some more.But God was not listening.

Much to my surprise.I became pregnant.Finally God was listening to me,or rewarding me I thought.We had names picked out,we would wonder what he or she would be like.Until one day the unthinkable happened, The storm came without warning and I was not prepared.

It was Mothers day,the day that was created just for mothers, a special day to celebrate,Yet I knew by that afternoon I would not be celebrating this day. I had ended up in the emergency room, and by the next morning there was no baby.No baby that I would name. No precious little one that I would call my own.The harsh reality set in that I would not have the joy of seeing this child,that I wanted with all my heart, grow up.Of all days to lose a child, Mothers day.

Was this some sort of cruel joke? Was God punishing me for my past? Was I not good enough,so he decided to make me suffer? I could not and would not understand what was going on for the longest time.The pain in my heart was crushing at times.How could He do this to me? I was a good person,I helped others,I did what was right.And yet,drug addicts were having babies and leaving them in trash cans.

After a few years of trying We had become foster parents and over and over again I watched mothers having babies that they did not want,or care about . There were some of them with 5 kids already in the system,and a 6th one on the way.No prenatal care, no concern,nothing.I on the other hand would have done anything humanly possible to be able to have a child.Life was not fair.God was not listening .

Within three months we became foster parents to four children.One a newborn, Two days old and three siblings ages Five ,Seven and Nine. My thoughts were now taken off myself and were now on these 4 children.It was a time of growing and stretching for all of us. But a time I would not trade. When the baby was 6 months old he was adopted by his aunt and uncle who could not have children of their own.The day he left,they were filled with overwhelming joy ,our day was filled with a feeling of ones heart being ripped from ones body,a gaping hole left. a feeling of the life being sucked out of you,never to return.And there you remain an empty shell. I now understand when they say someone died of a broken heart.We thought this feeling would never leave us.We would feel this way for the rest of our lives.But we were so wrong.

A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant and 9 months later my Son was born.Seven years later my next son would be born.I now look back and can see the Lords hand in all of this.While at times I thought I was being punished. I was not. He is not a cruel and heartless God,ready to punish ,dealing out disappointment for his entertainment. He loves us so much.More than I ever could have loved the child that I did not see.The one that one day when I go to heaven, he or she will be waiting for me.

He had a perfect plan.I just didn't know it or see it at the time.I an blessed beyond belief with two wonderful Sons.My Foster kids are all in wonderful homes.We still see the three siblings and are thankful that their adoptive parents have let us still be a part of their lives.The baby is now 18 years old and I found his My space page online.He looks happy,he is handsome,and from what he writes he seems to being doing well.

I can now see if the Lord had given me my own child ,I would not have taken in the four children who to this day I love as my own.Who I know impacted my life so greatly.Who's lives I have impacted in some way.We were put together for a reason.

God is good.I can look back now and thank him for doing what He did.Even though my heart hurt at times,and I questioned his ways.He knew what was best.It is like a puzzle at times,each piece fitting into only a certain other.We do not know what the outcome will be ,but you have to believe it will be beautiful.

And at the end, our lives will have been a bit scary at times ,there will be sadness, and oh so many questions.But He will use it all for good.Know that each twist and turn and event in your life is part of his amazing plan. And when you look back one day,you will gladly do it all again. Believe me I would.

Psalm 37:4

Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass ... Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him."

Isaiah 48:17 I am the Lord your God,who teaches you what is best for you,who directs you in the way you should go.

Blessings
Dee